Hello all!
How is everyone? I hope well.
So today I'm happy but a little off beat. I got my package from my parents yesterday so I was able to put some pictures up in my room. I hung a few of my necklaces up and just spent some time in my room. I had Nutella for breakfast which of course made my whole day better. I love Nutella but so does everyone else here. Every one kept asking me if they could have some... I had to share.
I still love it here and I am not home sick but I wouldn't be mad if I was Forced to come home second semester. Part of me still wants to stay but another part misses structure. I miss my job at Putt-Putt and the people there, I miss my freedom and my car. Here I am on campus... which I don't mind but I kind of do. A lot of the girls here are negative about being on campus and the food and the people and this island all of the time. they call the islanders those people and are really just not smart people at all. I just need to DO something. I need to make myself DO something. I need to start working just so I don't feel so useless. I want to see little kids again. I miss Allison and Grant like crazy. I saw a picture of us three on my computer and almost started crying because they are growing up and I am missing them. I miss babysitting so much. As much as I love my family I really only miss my grandma haha (sorry mom and dad and everyone) People here don't understand that I am not scared to be alone. I need to be alone.. people think I am weird. I REALLY REALLY MISS CONVERSATION! Only thing people here talk about is clubbing and guys. A few of my friends have been writing me letters which helps a lot because I am staying connected with real people, but its hard right now here. I don't want to leave the place because it's beautiful but I wish i had my own house and own food and own music and own couch and own tv. I want to share it with one roommate and just be alone. Being here has sure shown me how much I really DO like IPFW. I can work and go to school. I was focused there and wasn't trying to meet people and have fun. These NSE students here all are here 4 months and then gone so they are on super rush mode. They think its weird I want to lay in my bed friday night and watch a movie. I wouldnt mind another person with me but I just need my space. BAD.
I feel like I have been learning So much here. I know if i can figure out loans for next semester I will stay here because I know I am strong enough. I have become so much more optimistic. I walk away when people are gossiping and talking bad about other people. When I left fort wayne I was really disappointed in a few of my late friends and being here I have been able to forgive them. Forgive them to myself.. I have let go of all the hurt and "drama" Being here has given me the opportunity to do all of that in only a short month +.
I miss coffee shops. I had a dream about mandy last night again. Why do I miss a cat and not my parents haha. If fort wayne was on a beach with no winter I would LOVE to come home. I miss Chicago. I miss watching football all saturday and sunday. I miss the smell of fall!!! I think I need to go to the beach. Maybe this is what its like to be homesick. I miss guy friends.. they talk better than girls here do..
Whatever happens I don't want to move back into my parents home because I LOVE living on my own. Gosh i miss my straight hair. My thought are a mess. I miss being creative. A year ago I would go out with lynn and matt and angelica and just take pictures of them. NO one here will do that. I miss being creative! i am going crazy!!!!!!!! i need crafts and i want to send people presents but i need a job. Godh its a weird day.. Despite all of this post i am REALLY happy today. i have been smiling all day and its been good.
I am going to eat a fruit cut and upload some pictures to here and my other blog.. check them out... let me know what you think..
Peace and Love
Cordelia
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8 comments:
It's okay that you don't miss me and dad. That means we all did our job. So, don't apologize. We love you.
Someone stole dad's wallet and xm out of his truck last night. It seems he left it unlocked. I searched that alley and found the xm and wallet, but they got the cards and license and social security card. We had to cancel everything and put a block on our credit. IT was a fun morning. :(
It's still too warm to smell like fall, but I think next week will cool off. I didn't know you had curly hair! Ava wants to send you some of her artwork, so I'll get your address from your mom. Maybe we can squeeze a few pretty fallen leaves in and you can have a piece of fall. You are awesome!
Angela
our neighborhood seems to have a lot of problems lately...
You are homesick!! it happens to everyone so it´s OK to be confused about where you want to be.
Another thing, be yourself, go out on your own and take photos of cool things, even if it is with the small camera. Stay in your room, read, watch TV, etc.
When I went to school in NM and Michigan I did a lot of things on my own, hiked up 'M' Mountain by myself (stupid), kayaked in lake superior by myself, stayed in when everyone else partied, etc, etc. I found that even though I didn´t have human company I was surrounded by nature and all of it´s living things (a lot of company). I realize that people probably were either afraid of me because I was a bit of a loner or they thought I was weird, and in the end I still don´t know how I was able to find someone to marry me!! I still enjoy spending time by myself because it allows me to put everything in perspective.
Oops! sorry for the rambling on, but after reading your post, it brought back a lot of memories. Just do whatever feels right to you.
I love you.
What! You don't miss me? What about my popcorn and pasta????
It's not just our hood, it is everywhere. Georgetown is having the same problems and they are busting drug dealers out by Cherry Hill.
Your Papa is awesome!
I HATE PASTA! thats all we eat here. i will never crave it again.
dad when i come home i want you to have perfected kettle corn.
fort wayne needs help...
and yes papa's comment made me feel normal. and sad for a second.
Cordelia!
I miss fall too. Crunching leaves, sweatshirt weather, crisp air, and Johnny Appleseed. This is the only time of year that I'm a little homesick. It's okay to be homesick--you realize how special the Fort is when you're away! Did you get my letter? Stay strong and keep being yourself. Share your creativity and spunk with the world...we all need more of that. It will make this a happier place.
P.S. I miss "the 05"..especially the Firefly
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